As we prepare to dial the back the clock to 1985 with ranked NEBRNOIS tonight, you missed a doozy if you like old-fashioned, triple-option football that would wake some Tom Osborne echoes.

Division II’s #1-ranked team, Harding (AR), traveled to Arkansas-Monticello and put an absolute hurt on the Boll Weevils. (They ran more of a Paul Johnson flexbone, but let’s not split hairs here.) It didn’t help that UAM was giving it away like WSR on Prom Night; every time Harding got the ball, it took them about two plays to find the end zone.

The Bisons dared the Weevils to get up off the mat. UAM wanted no part of that fight. It was just blue-collar, in-your-face football.

We got our start as The Rivalry, Esq., of course; that was back when it was two law-knowers from Michigan and Ohio State who make an even better Felix-and-Oscar today than they did then—one’s a now-Michigan State fan who is a buttoned-up elected official and I will say nothing more about that, the other is a long-haired corporate lawyer chumming around Los Angeles. Times change, I guess. I’ve heard of the election-year pivot, I just didn’t know it involved wearing a Michigan State suit on the legislative floor after you’d interviewed Rich Rodriguez in his office.

But when we became Off Tackle Empire, co-founder Jonathan Franz called it the “Dawn of an Empire”:

Off Tackle Empire conveys the awesome might of the oldest and richest brand in Division 1 athletics. ”Off Tackle” refers to the power running game the Big Ten is historically famous for. Empire plays off the conference’s current push for expansion, suggesting a Midwestern manifest destiny. The name is rock solid, just like the league.

Here we are, 14 years and change later. The conference’s push for expansion in 2010 has begotten us...this.

And yet, in other ways...what’s changed? From Ted Glover speculating on whether realignment was a “Hodgepodge of Ass” to another writer actually showing his ass on Twitter, now it’s the deranged ramblings of Thump and me showing my metaphorical ass by lusting after a female Boll Weevil.

Times change, of course. But when you load up that bread and butter, damn if it isn’t satisfying.

Let’s pick some games.

About Last Week

Notes:

• White Speed Receiver coming in hot. 8-2 ATS, 12-1 straight up. Led both categories.
• She’s real fine, misdreavus79’s .409.
• MNW: I’M SORRY, WAIT, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO MENTION HERE

This Week’s Picks

Friday, September 20

(24) Illinois Fighting Illini @ (22) Nebraska Cornhuskers

8 pm| FOX| Nebraska -9 | O/U 43.5

Straight-Up: Nebraska 12-4
Against the Spread: Illinois 9-7

HWAHSQB: Illinois hasn’t won a night road game since 2007. That’s probably a bad sign, but in 2007, after beating minisoda at night, we went on to win 9 games and go to the Rose Bowl. So, we’ll probably lose, but if we win, I’m gonna go and book my flights to Pasadena, baby!!!

BigRedTwice: I’ve been hurt too much by Nebraska to pick them in this exciting chance to make a statement. I can’t pick them in this kind of situation until they show me they’re able and willing to win this sort of thing. I’d be super glad if they demonstrated that this week, as I’m going to the game.

Dead Read: I will dare to dream. I think the crowd gives the defense a boost and Nebby finds a way to cover. I recognize this may be the kiss of death.

misdreavus79: The last time I picked against the resident Nebraska expert, it didn’t go well for me, so I’m not overthinking it this time. Illinois 20, Nebraska 17

Thumpasaurus: I’ve been telling anyone who will listen that Nebraska is going to be good this year, especially on defense. Illinois has shown improved secondary play, but they have struggled to run block against the likes of Eastern Illinois, Kansas and Central Michigan. I don’t think Nebraska will have to load up against the run to stop them at the line of scrimmage, so I don’t expect the receivers to be as open as they’ve been. Altmeyer has been playing with fire here. I think he gets burned this week.

Nebraska’s really big in the interior D line. This is where we’ll see if it’s time for offensive line Bart Miller to start fixing up his house to list by the end of the year. I don’t think we’ll see Matt Rhule piss the whole game away like Lance Leipold did.

If they take care of the ball, I expect Nebraska to win by at least two scores.

AlmaOtter: I said this before last year’s Kansas game, but once again: Illinois and Bielema do not do well with these early season Friday night games (see 2021 Maryland, 2022 Indiana, 2023 Kansas). I’m stoked for RANKED NEBRNOIS, but I think we might be slightly fraudlent as a ranked team. Illinois got credit for taking down Ranked Kansas, but Kansas turned around and lost to UNLV and are +2.5 underdogs at West Virginia this weekend. Add in Nebraska’s two-year long exorcism finally working and I’m picking the ‘Skers.

Larry31: Rhule rules! [Be amazed at how clever I am] Nebraska wins and covers. I am picking this way until Rhule proves me wrong.

RockyMtnBlue: I’m really looking forward to watching this game. Both teams have gotten irritatingly good QB play. I like Nebby’s D-Line better and they’re at home, but I still think it’s a one-score game. Nebraska 24-17.

MNW: This has all the feelings for me of one where the home team just leans on ‘em and wins by a score. I feel like I would’ve said the same thing if this was at Illinois. Huskers, 23-17.

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Saturday, September 21

Marshall Thundering Herd @ (3) Ohio State Buckeyes

noon | FOX | Ohio State -40 | O/U 51.5

Straight-Up: OSU 16-0
Against the Spread: OSU 15-1

RUReady4Brazil: Marshall was waxed by Virginia Tech who has not been impressive, this spread is insane, but probably accurate.

BRT: Is OSU the most boring team in CFB? Nothing but byes and cupcakes. Who is still paying attention to this team?

Dead Read: The Thundering Herd are the next victim on OSU’s roadkill tour.

misdreavus79: So they took Michigan’s identity, approach to roster composition, and schedule philosophy? They REALLY want to win that title, huh? Ohio State 49, Marshall 7

Thumpasaurus: It was Ohio State that made the infamous “little sisters of the poor” remark about TCU, and now they refuse to schedule anyone with a pulse in the non-conference.

AlmaOtter: I will be watching the entirety of this game, or at least until they’re up by 7 scores and my father-in-law (Hi Bob!) agrees that the game is finally in hand.

Larry31: What the hell. Marshall covers. Only becasue everyone else is picking OSU to cover a 40-point spread.

RockyMtnBlue: yaaaawwwwnnn. Play a real team, Buckeyes. Ohio State 56-3

MNW: I think it was the AP who ran a piece today talking about guarantee games’ effect on both the Ohio States and Kent States of the world—and how the Buckeyes shelled out over $4 million in total for this 3-0 record. Might as well get a million-plus dollars’ worth of a beating, I guess—there’s really no incentive for them to schedule a tough team in the non-conference, anyway, if you’re basically guaranteed the playoff. Buckeyes, 45-0.

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Charlotte 49ers @ Indiana Hoosiers

noon | BTN | Indiana -28.5 | O/U 48.5

Straight-Up: Indiana 16-0
Against the Spread: Indiana 14-2

RUReady4Brazil: My newest hometown team can pass the ball (309 yards last week v UNC), but Indiana is on a bender right now. Don’t expect 70+ points from the Hoosiers, but this will be ugly in a hurry.

BRT: Congrats on another win, Hoosiers, but don’t expect too much adulation for this one.

Dead Read: Indiana, easily, if they handle success well. Indiana by a smidge, if they have been believing their press clippings.

misdreavus79: Indiana has been murdering everyone, so I don’t see how this is different. Indiana 39, Charlotte 7

Thumpasaurus: Charlotte’s not very good.

AlmaOtter: The Big Ten runs through Bloomington now. It’s Buffkomodo’s world and we’re all just living in it.

Larry31: Like Rhule with Nebby, I am totally on the Cignetti bandwagon until proven otherwise. And Charolotte sucks. Windiana wins and covers. [Lord, I am on a roll with my glorious dad-puns. I will force my children to read this just so they cringe and are embarrassed.]

RockyMtnBlue: Indiana is playing really well on both sides of the ball. Charlotte is Charlotte. Indiana 38-6

MNW: The only thing I care about here is Biff Poggi’s attire. WILL HE WEAR IT?

Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

Won’t matter. Hoosiers, 35-3. But lookit them tiddies.

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Villanova Wildcats @ Maryland Terrapins

noon | BTN | Maryland -19.5 | O/U 48.5

Straight-Up: Maryland 16-0
Against the Spread: Maryland 14-2

BRT: Jeez these games are boring. So pointless.

misdreavus79: It’s still September I guess. Maryland 38, Villanova 10

AlmaOtter: Hey, at least we have a spread. Last week, Villanova barely beat Towson, Locksley’s alma mater. This week, they take on Locks himself. Eh. Let’s say that a very good FCS team keeps it close. I haven’t seen anything that impressive from the Terps.

Larry31: This is a dumb game. But, at least there is mild interest in the relatively low point-spread against an FCS team. Maryland covers. I am a fan of these games being scheduled ONLY if they support a local FCS team that gets a good payday, moreso, if it is an HBCU.

RockyMtnBlue: I picked against Maryland last week. That was dumb. Maryland 34-7

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Kent State Golden Flashes @ (10) Penn State Nittany Lions

3:30pm | BTN | Penn State -48.5 | O/U 55.5

Straight-Up: Penn State 16-0
Against the Spread: Kent State 9-7

BRT: PSU by a million. We don’t need these snoozefests in Week 4.

Dead Read: Kent State is going to pay for that Bowling Green game a couple of weeks ago.

misdreavus79: To those picking Kent State to cover, let me remind you that St. Francis is a bad FCS team. Penn State 63, Kent State 0

Thumpasaurus: Everyone should be let out of their non-conference scheduling agreements now that the 12 team playoff gives aspiring teams a margin for error

AlmaOtter: Kent State, why are you doing this to yourself? at Pitt, at Tennessee, at Penn State all in your first four games?! I don’t mean to kinkshame, but this is unseemly.

Larry31: Speaking of dumb games. The question of whether PSU covers comes down to when Franklin pulls his starters. I’m picking KSU to cover. 48.5 is a lot and PSU hasn’t really impressed me yet.

RockyMtnBlue: I refuse to even think about games with 48 point spreads. PSU to cover because that’s the bad case.

MNW: Mostly me wish-casting here, because the couple Penn State fans who would melt down over only a 40-point win would be funny. Nittany Lions, 42-0.

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THE INSUFFERABOWL

(11) Southern California Trojans @ (18) Michigan Wolverines

3:30pm | CBS | USC -5.5 | O/U 45.5

Straight-Up: USC 16-0
Against the Spread: USC 16-0

BRT: Ooooo, finally some drama! I think USC is on much more solid ground right now than Michigan is, though a road game to the Big House could make this more interesting.

Dead Read: USC by at least two scores.

misdreavus79: USC is a near unanimous pick here, which means Michigan will bash their skulls in, of course. USC 27, Michigan 20

Thumpasaurus: I know that I do not under any circumstances “gotta hand it to” ISIS, but I do at least respect Michigan for scheduling Texas and USC in the non-conference portion of the season

AlmaOtter: I’m beginning to think that Harbaugh was very happy to leave this beast of a schedule for his successor. This ain’t ECU and Bowling Green. USC rolls.

Larry31: Michigan looks kinda assy, by their lofty standards. And USC looks pretty good. USC covers.

RockyMtnBlue: It’s fairly rare for first-time head coaches to work out. It’s VERY rare for them to work out right away. I’m hoping Michigan is more of the latter case than the former. There are baffling personnel decisions being made. Also, it turns out a guy who’s been in the NFL for 20 years might not be a good college DC. Especially if he’s the personality type to assume that since he’s older than everyone he knows everything. We’re wasting SO much talent on defense. USC 34-13

MNW: And you really hate to see it, don’t you?

That we went unanimous on this one feels like a bad sign to me. Here come the Michigan hordes on Sunday. Gird your loins. USC, 27-14.

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Rutgers Scarlet Knights @ Virginia Tech Hokies

3:30pm | ACC Network| Virginia Tech -3.5 | O/U 45.5

Straight-Up: Rutgers 9-7
Against the Spread: Rutgers 11-5

RUReady4Brazil: Preseason I did pick this as a loss on our Rutgers crossover extravaganza. That said, Virginia Tech lost to Vanderbilt in a game that could have been worse and their line could not stop Old Dominion from rushing the ball. Rutgers usually performs well after long periods of rest and should be able to run the ball down their throats. Rutgers has some limitations especially on defense which will make this game close however. There are a variety of ways this one could go but best guess, I’m thinking Rutgers 24, Virginia Tech 21.

BRT: I think Rutgers wins. Slowly building up the expectations, then crashing back to earth feels like the Rutgers thing to do this season. Happily for their fans, I think they’re still in the first half of that sentence.

Dead Read: Rutgers wins this one ugly.

misdreavus79: I truly don’t know who will win this game. I’m going with Virginia Tech because Brent Pry is there. Virginia Tech 20, Rutgers 10

Thumpasaurus: I think the school Zuzu attended will win

AlmaOtter: If I know anything from living in Virginia, it’s that Hokies fans are unsettling. I think this will be a hell of a road test for Rutgers. Yeah, they kicked the crap out of the Hokies last year, but VaTech wasn’t very good and that game was at Piscataway.

Larry31: Huh. I expected Rutgers to be favored. Rutger for the win.

RockyMtnBlue: Rutgers. Indiana. Nebraska. Illinois. MSU. There are WAY too many teams looking significantly better than expected. I am not amused. Rutgers 21-14

MNW: All in on Gap-Toothed Greg and His Merry Knights.

More seriously, RUReady hit it on the head here: Rutgers has been running the ball well, and VaTech isn’t necessarily world-beaters along the D-line. But there’s gonna be a game where the Meek Greek is going to have to win it for the Knights.

It’s just not this one. Rutgers, 18-14.

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UCLA Bruins @ Louisiana State Tigers

3:40pm | ABC / ESPN+ | LSU -24.5 | O/U 55.5

Straight-Up: LSU 16-0
Against the Spread: LSU 14-2

BRT: This should be illegal. The camera guys are already prepping for minutes-long, uncomfortably close shots trained on Sad UCLA Quarterback’s face.

Dead Read: This will be brutal. UCLA might quit before the half.

misdreavus79: It would be hilarious if UCLA gives LSU a game. Too bad they suck. LSU 55, UCLA 10

Thumpasaurus: It’s not that I disbelieve in Indiana, but I have thought from the outset that UCLA would be uncompetitive trash and they have done nothing to dissuade me from this notion

AlmaOtter: Welcome to the conference, Bruins! Please make your way to the basement until further notice.

Larry31: I’m guessing UCLA got caught looking ahead to this game when they hosted Windiana, got Cinged. [Ha!, Yet another gloriously painful pun!] UCLA to cover.

RockyMtnBlue: And then there’s UCLA. Thanks for not making Michigan suffer alone, Bruins. You’re my favorite add-on team. LSU 42-14

MNW: I must’ve just taken the hook on this one. What the hell was I thinking? LSU, 35-13.

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Northwestern Wildcats @ Washington Huskies

7:00pm | FS1 | Washington -10.5 | O/U 43

Straight-Up: Washington 14-2
Against the Spread: Northwestern 10-6

RUReady4Brazil: Northwestern has no QB yet. Washington really choked themself on that 4th down and goal with a short side of the field option last week. Ideally I’d prefer a Washington win since Rutgers plays them and not Northwestern this year with one caveat ... as long as the Huskies need to empty the tank mentally and physically in this one. Please drain them before a short week next week.

BRT: I’d like to see the Former B1G West continue to spread to the new western teams and for Northwestern to drag Washington into a game so ugly their fans didn’t even know it was possible. They may do that, but I still think Washington gets the W.

Dead Read: This game will be in a loud stadium, actually filled with fans. I do not think it will be good for the ‘Cats.

misdreavus79: Purple on purple action! Washington 28, Northwestern 20

Thumpasaurus: I told you not to sleep on John Mateer. You can probably sleep on Northwestern’s quarterback situation though

AlmaOtter: PURPLE NERD BATTLE. I’ll take NW to get a last-minute cover.

Larry31: NW for the win. No basis at all. Just a feeling. The only thing I know about this game, it will be ugly.

RockyMtnBlue: This game might be entertaining. Maybe I’ll drown my sorrows in it. More likely the TV will be off and I’ll be pouting somewhere. Anyway, I don’t think Washington is very good. But I also think Northwestern is actually bad. Washington 23-10

MNW: JACK LAUSCH IS THE TRUTH I AM CONVINCED AND ALL-IN HERE. The One True Purple, 21-20 on seven Jack Olsen field goals. Jud Fish cries at halftime. What could go wrong.

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Iowa Hawkeyes @ Minnesota Golden Gophers

7:30pm | NBC | Iowa -2.5 | O/U 36

Straight-Up: Iowa 13-3
Against the Spread: Iowa 12-4

BRT: Peej is going to do it! Calls for Kirk’s head grow louder, yet no one hears them.

misdreavus79: If I know anything in life, it’s Iowa beating Minnesota. Iowa 2, Minnesota 1

Dead Read: Iowa. Take the under.

Thumpasaurus: I think Minnesota’s offense is worse than Iowa’s this year.

AlmaOtter: Dammit, I meant to have a history deep-dive article for this rivalry! But much like my approach to the entire state of Minnesota, I kind of forgot about it. Iowa winning by a safety and not covering the -2.5 would be delightful.

Larry31: Iowa eeks out a 3-point win.

RockyMtnBlue: Minny has some issues. I don’t know what the hell to think about Iowa. Let’s go with the Badgers because it’s funnier. Minnesota 16-13

MNW: Minnesota’s offense is no Troy Trojans. Iowa, 14-9.

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Michigan State Spartans @ Boston College Eagles

8:00pm | ACC Network | Boston College -7 | O/U 45.5

Straight-Up: Boston College 9-6
Against the Spread: Michigan State 9-6

RUReady4Brazil: MSU, please beat Boston College. Rutgers boards refer to BC as “The French” for how they are unreliable in terms of game results, recruiting, and most importantly leaving Rutgers high and dry when they secretly left the Big East for the ACC. BC’s QB can run, but keep him in the pocket and let’s see how good he is even with a new coaching staff. I like Michigan State’s coaches, but this comes down to a typical Big Ten team that needs to exert their will in the trenches.

BRT: Remember that first week of the season when BC beat up on FSU and everyone was so shocked, not yet realizing that FSU is hot trash? Good times. I don’t know that MSU is FSU-bad (that’s very funny to type), but I still think BC gets the better of Sparty.

Dead Read: I want to believe, Sparty. I think I picked you, and I am rooting for you.

misdreavus79: Road game, defenses are better than expected, offenses are a work in progress. Boston College 23, Michigan State 20

Thumpasaurus: MSU won their only recent matchup with a Large Time Thomas, defeating Illinois back in 2022. Is Thomas Castellanos a bad enough dude to rescue the president? Depends on whether or not he puts the ball in harm’s way. You’re gonna see a lot of interceptions both ways in this one.

AlmaOtter: William O’Brien opened up the season by beating FSU in Dublin (again, why are we doing this?!) and put the fear of god into Mizzou last week. Meanwhile, MSU’s QB puts the fear of god into MSU fans. I’ll take the erstwhile Buckeye OC to take care of business at home. Spartans, just one more win to equal last year’s total. Probably not happening this week, though.

Larry31: My bias against the ACC is really shwoing here. MSU for the win.

RockyMtnBlue: MSU’s Aaron Chiles is really fun to watch. Dude is just dripping with talent and throws the prettiest ball in the Big10. He doesn’t always throw it to his teammates, but it’s always pretty. We moved into the darkest timeline the minute someone thought “Oregon” and “Big 10” go together. I predict it continues. Michigan State 31-21

MNW: Florida State sucks and the Butt Chin Eagles are a fraud. Sparty, 27-24.

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Purdue Boilermakers @ Oregon State Beavers

8:30pm | The CW Network| Oregon State -4.5 | O/U 50

Straight-Up: Oregon State 13-2
Against the Spread: Oregon State 12-3

BRT: I often kind of like Purdue and wish them well, except in basketball. But last week was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen in football, and I’ve seen some shit (#wisconsinscoredagain). I’m not sure how Purdue isn’t emotionally broken after that one. Then again, OSU had a tough week last week too. This may be the saddest single game this week (though I forgot that we have UCLA-LSU on tap).

Dead Read: This will be gross. Even so, I sort of regret that I do not get the CW.

misdreavus79: Ok, which one of these is worse? Both got worked at home by a rival, both lost a ton of quality to the portal, both have decent results against lower competition, and now they play each other. I’m going with Purdue since they at least have some returning production on offense. Purdue 31, Oregon State 28

Thumpasaurus: My team has been on the receiving end of an inordinate number of merciless beatdowns, so I’m speaking from experience when I say that Purdue’s performance was so bad that the opponent doesn’t even matter. At least they got a touchdown, but holy shit. They have a lot of problems.

AlmaOtter: Reggie Love III, you left Illinois for this trainwreck? At least this game’s on the CW Network and no one will see it, unlike last week’s debacle.

RockyMtnBlue: If a game nobody cares about is televised only on a channel no one watches, does it really happen? Purdue scientists want to know. Oregon State 24-21

MNW: I legitimately thought The CW was an antenna channel, Dead Read—you don’t get it? But how do you watch your Gilmore Girls reruns?

Does Ryan Walters just need more time? No, he’s in over his head. Beavers, 24-17.

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Too cowardly to play this week:

Wisconsin Badgers
(9) Oregon Ducks

misdreavus79: That bye couldn’t have both come at the best and worst time for Wisconsin.

AlmaOtter: At least wisconsin has a cakewalk next week with ... checks schedule at USC. Ouch.